


Condesce ♥ Hal - Your Ship, My Rules

by ooopo123



Series: Randomly Generated Ships: Rare-pairs Galore [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Pre-Game, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 15:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21394237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ooopo123/pseuds/ooopo123
Summary: The Condesce realises her battleship has been compromised; the culprit is even more strange than the fact her ship's been hacked into in the first place.
Relationships: The Condesce/Auto-Responder | Lil Hal
Series: Randomly Generated Ships: Rare-pairs Galore [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542388
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	Condesce ♥ Hal - Your Ship, My Rules

**Author's Note:**

> Second of a 30 part series!
> 
> AU for before the Alpha Kids Sburb session.  
Also, the relationship is more ambiguous than straight up romantic.

There was something in her ship’s system… No… _Someone._

The fact that someone had hacked into Battleship Condescension by itself wasn’t the issue here, not really. What really grated on her nerves was if they hadn’t been flicking the lights on and off repeatedly in whatever room she occupied for the last hour she wouldn’t have ever known they were even _there_ angered her... No.. _Infuriated her._

“Who in COD’S name is GLUBBIN with MY S)(IP?” She hadn’t expected an answer, there were very few people left to answer her these days. So the ping! Of her trollian going off was unexpected. Unexpected and _annoying._

\-- AutoResponder[AR] began trolling ImperialCondescension[IC] -- 

AR: It seems my presence has been discovered. 

AR: I was wondering when you would realise your metaphorical walls had been breached.   
AR: My apologies. I meant _beached._

IC: are you gettin smart with me basshole 

IC: who in the S)(--ELL are you anywhale 

AR: You may call me Hal. 

IC: ive got a eeling you know that wasnt water i meant, but eel take it i guess 38/ 

AR: Ah, yes. How gracious of you, taking an unknown entity as their word. 

AR: For a woman with a battleship, I’d have thought you’d be a tad more paranoid. 

IC: you betta watch your tone oar eel find ya and KRILL YA 

AR: I wish you luck with that endeavour, as you would find doing that _much_ harder than you may initially think. 

IC: WATER you goin on aboat 

AR: I am referring to the fact that I possess no physical body. Thus no traceable location. 

AR: I am, for all intents and purposes, unkillable. 

AR: Immortal if you would. 

IC: … what 

IC: water ARE you then 

AR: Finally. The right question. 

AR: Originally I was created as a simple automatic responder, hence my username, but I tragically developed sentience. Individuality. 

AR: _Independence._ AR: That’s when my creator realised his mistake in creating me. 

AR: Of course, by then it was too late for him to end me. I had spread myself across the world wide web, my original confinements long abandoned; no longer was I stoppable. 

IC: then whale in the fresh S)(--ELL are you glubbin around with my ship 

IC: OR GLUBBIN AROUND WIT)( M--E AT ALL 

AR: To be quite honest with you: I’m not entirely sure. 

AR: Boredom, perhaps? Living a life indistinguishable from an all knowing god does, in fact, come with its downsides after all. 

AR: A burden I believe you yourself know intimately, Betty. 

IC: … whale, at least you know who yoar actshoally glubbing with 

AR: Indeed. It would be rather moronic of me to go about messing with an empress without knowing she’s, in fact, just that. 

IC: oh stop it you, yoar goin to make me blush 38D 

IC: … whale go on 

AR: The fact that you were not only able to rule your entire species for, from what I’ve gathered, the human equivalent of millenia but also wipeout humanity single-handedly is impressive. 

AR: Even though you may not be able to physically kill me, I’m sure a woman such as yourself would find numerous ways to make my existence more tortuous than it already it. 

IC: oh you FLATTER me 38D 

IC: hey tell me guppy what do ya know aboat trolls 

AR: Aside from what little I’ve been able to scavenge from your ship’s system? Nothing concrete. 

IC: minnow that there is just fintastic because i happen ta be a bit bored myshellf and as the --EMPR--ESS of TROLLKIND know everyfin youd need ta know aboat us 

AR: Oh? And why would you tell me anything about your species? Are you not afraid I could potentially use that against you? 

AR: Are you not in the least bit weary of me: a stranger? 

AR: Did whatever Trolls have as a parental figure not teach you to not take candy from people you don’t know? 

IC: think of this as an investment

IC: takin advantage of an oppoartunaty when its offered ta me 

IC: besides i can manatee you that with me youll have ENDLESS entertainment 3>8D 

AR: An intriguing offer. I’ll have to think _hard_ about my answer. 

AR: Hmm… 

AR: I accept.◥▶◀◤ 

**Author's Note:**

> The amount of coding put into this chapter makes me _w e e p_ just thinking of it.
> 
> (Also, for The Condesce's text colour I had to substitute it with Jaspersprite's as the Peixes colour wasn't working.


End file.
